Sup, y’all. I’ve been going through a bit of a tough time recently, with the whole constant 8/10 pain level and everything. I need cheering up, so I’m going to reminisce for a second. I’ve been thinking a lot about pain, and what relieves it. Naturally, ketamine comes to mind. I’ve had some of the best times of my life on ketamine, so I shall share these stories in hopes that someone else gets a giggle or two out of them as well. However, before we begin, I would like to mention a few things: 1. ALWAYS test your drugs. Always. Better safe and bummed out about not getting high than dead. (Here’s a link to buy test kits.) 2. I took medicinal-grade pharmaceutical ketamine. I am not fond of street drugs and advise heavily against snorting any kind of drug. Okay, that’s all.
Right now, what I really want are those lollipops that an old friend used to have. They tasted so bad but so good, like Robitussin that burns your tongue. It was the perfect high, too. I was euphoric, warm, happy, and delighted to be alive. I would dance, and laugh, and once I fell down my friend’s (carpeted) stairs and laughed so hard I cried. Just seconds prior, I was skipping around saying, “I feel as spry as a spring chicken! Look at me!”, and spry I was. I was so spry that my confidence took over and I essentially threw myself down the stairs with extreme gusto, landed on my butt, and slid the rest of the way down, just absolutely cackling with joy. And don’t forget the time I hallucinated (?) that I met Kurt Cobain. (Dirt Cobain story here). Then there was the time when it was my ex-best friend and my first night in the Bushwick apartment. An impromptu first night, as it had flooded too much for us to get back to CT. That’s the thing about New York that scares me the most– it scares me enough to consider never moving back; it fucking floods like crazy. I am so irrationally (maybe not so irrational when you’re in the thick of it) afraid of being swept away down a subway tunnel or some shit. Anyway, we had weed, we had ketamine, and we had some water and a couple of small snacks. But, we also had access to our apartment a day earlier than expected, so we ordered a bunch of supplies from Target: sleeping bags, rain ponchos, toilet paper, things of that nature, and hunkered down for the night. I remember that night extremely fondly. We were bored out of our minds, so naturally, having a couple of those Special K pops on hand, we took advantage of the boredom and had a night to remember. At least I did… At some point, I made him laugh so hard he k-holed and spent the rest of the trip throwing up. I felt bad, I merely said “I feel like Beavis AND Butthead!” and he was done for. Absolutely obliterated. I was fine with that, though. I always had the most fun on ketamine while alone. There was just one thing. My friend was unmoving from the bathroom, not that I wanted to go in there anyway. I had to piss. But you know what? It was pouring rain in the middle of the night, we didn’t live in a very populated area, nor was there much nearby nightlife that led to foot traffic, so I figured, fuck it. I’m on drugs. I’ll just piss off the fire escape. And that I did, about 3 or 4 times. But damn, did I have a fantastic time hanging out in the window by myself that night. I listened to Spoon and Kaiser Chiefs. I don’t know how I remember specifically what I was listening to; that’s impressive. The rain was loud, yet soothing, and I saw an incredibly fat raccoon floating downstream (we lived on a hill) on a piece of cardboard. The whole experience was very magical, like a Studio Ghibli film. I hope one day to be that euphoric again. I also hope to one day make someone laugh so hard they k-hole again. I had never felt more hilarious and like a comedian than I did in that moment. I made bro laugh so hard he threw up. All because I felt like both Beavis and Butthead.
Thanks for attending todays edition of Story Time With Bill. I hope you appreciated it, and I always take requests. Stay Warm.
Phrenectomy 