Nihilism is Cancerous
I don’t often lean on teleological narratives; I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason or that what’s meant for me will find me. I don’t believe that things will work out in “the way they’re supposed to”. How do we know what they’re supposed to work out as? How do we know…
Bill’s Babbling Brook of Bullshit is Back, Baby!
Today I smoked weed and was granted an Italian Catholic High instead of an Irish Catholic High. Bazinga! God’s wrath shan’t touch you today, child! I also received a whopping 85 on my midterm, where I took the assignment as a mere suggestion instead of what I should’ve been doing. The professor appreciates my giant…
The Insidious Ways Of Therapy Speak
I don’t think I’m a good person. I have a lot of moral shortcomings, and I ignore a lot of things that need attention. But I at least don’t try to hide it behind “setting boundaries” and “prioritizing my mental health”. I don’t like that therapy speak has made it into the general public. I…
This Is A Late TDOV Post (NOT An April Fools Joke)
Sup! I wrote this before I smoked my bong and then returned to it later and had to cut it short. I was forced to smoke out of my bong because my only clean bowl was wet, as I had just cleaned it. It turns out, bongs turn me stupid. (Oh. I might’ve heavily edited…
I feel like a coyote with mange sometimes.
To love yourself is to forget yourself. To constantly try to assign yourself labels is to limit yourself, and to pathologize every single aspect of oneself is to know self-hatred in its highest capacity. At some point, self-becoming becomes self-harm. When will it be enough? Do you really think you’ll eventually know something as vastly…
Why I Hate Hardcore and Adjacent Scenes
Hello! Firstly, I’d like to acknowledge the national holiday taking place today. It is my mother’s birthday, and if you know anything about my mom, you know she’s an actual saint. She puts up with so much of my bullshit, and has for 27 years now. Not just that, but she singlehandedly raised me to…
I Hate Art & Being an Artist & The Whitney
Today, I was thinking about how I learned the hard way that my love of art, namely the creating part, does not translate academically. I tried, I really did. Studio classes made me feel inadequate and overlooked, and art history classes made me hate the art world. Being an artist made me hate, well, being…
Lonely Curmudgeon Musings
I am so lonely, I am now realizing. Not that this is unusual, I am a lonely person, and always have been. But I’m just now coming to terms with how lonely I actually am. I have historically been a quality-over-quantity person when it comes to friends. I never cared that I didn’t have as…
I’m a Man-Hating Tenderqueer
In a patriarchal society such as the one we live in today, people (not just men) are often brainwashed into thinking, even subconsciously, that a woman’s value and existence are merely contingent upon that of a man’s. Whether this is a conscious train of thought or a more deeply ingrained way of operating, it is…
Geese Horror Stories
I just hit my very first blinker. Then I hit another. Here’s to feelin’ good, all the time. Reaching milestones today. Making big progress in my weed-smoking career. Coughing a lot while I do it. Just found out that owls are monogamous. Some animals are monogamous because their young need more attention and protection. It’s…
I’ve Been Having a Midlife Crisis Since I Was 12.
Hello. Today I feel a mixture of very old and too young. This morning, I cried at an Instagram video of a DJ playing at a nursing home. End-of-life care is extremely important. I have always felt passionately about this. I pretend I hate old people, because sometimes I genuinely do hate the elderly population,…
Story Time With Bill: My Stupid Ex-Roommate Caused Me To Experience Ego Death
While we’re doing story times, I figured I’d share one I don’t often talk about due to its extremely traumatic nature. In hindsight, it’s a little silly, but at the time, it really bugged me out. Like, I considered going inpatient for a split second because I thought I’d finally lost my marbles for good.…
Story Time With Bill: Studio Ghibli Ketamine Trip
Sup, y’all. I’ve been going through a bit of a tough time recently, with the whole constant 8/10 pain level and everything. I need cheering up, so I’m going to reminisce for a second. I’ve been thinking a lot about pain, and what relieves it. Naturally, ketamine comes to mind. I’ve had some of the…
The Revolution Will Leave Me Behind
Greetings, loved ones. I’m trying very hard to take care of myself and exercise some much-needed self-love right now; I’m trying to revolutionize from within. I feel that something people are scared of these days is becoming inconvenienced in their relationships. Interpersonal relationships aren’t supposed to be easy; they’re not something you can embark upon…
Babbling Brook of Bullshit #2
This morning I woke up bright and early, as usual. 4:30 never stood a chance against me, going to bed at 9:30 and routinely waking up for a cigarette around this time anyway, regardless of when I went to bed. I could have fallen asleep at 4, and I will still arise a half hour…
Holiday Harm Reduction
Posting my experiences with sobriety in case it helps someone this holiday season. For some, Alcohol is the devil, and sobriety is peace. For others, myself included, alcohol is the devil, and sobriety is a merciless god, blind with rage, smiting down anyone who dares question Thee. Am I broken? Why set yourself a definite…
Miracles
It’s so rare that I experience “writer’s block”. I can’t even remember a time when I experienced such tragedy. I think sometimes I come close, I can only write so many streams of consciousness before I get annoyed with myself. Today, I reached out to my Aunt Lindy for ideas, and she asked me if…
Top 10 Releases of 2025
My Top 10 Releases of 2025! If you guessed that my number one album of the year was Pile’s newest release, I may be more predictable than I thought. We’ll see what my top scrobbled artist of the year is on last.fm at a later date; my listening has been sporadic and eclectic this year.…
Babbling Brook Of Bullsh*t
Stream of consciousness in 3… 2… 1… I think I have a phobia of romantic relationships. Not like an “I’m afraid of commitment” type deal, it’s more similar to hydrophobia. I am repelled by relationships in a purely scientific sense. I do not mix or dissolve with romantic endeavors. But I need a different analogy…
To Love and Be Loved is Radical
Good afternoon. Today’s forecast calls for an angry call-to-action followed by a soft embrace. The angry rant: We need to be doing something other than sitting on our phones posting about politics. I do not care if this sounds harsh. But our lazy form of “action” does nothing but upset people. While the upset is…
I Hate Myself Sometimes
Today I cried because of my own deep-seated hatred of myself. But crying over this just goes to show that I love myself even a little bit, and that’s better than not at all. I was doing my bi-monthly notes app cleanout, where I delete all my last will and testament notes. There are a…
Rejected Artist Bios and Statements
A significant aspect of being an artist is promoting yourself, giving the world a glimpse of your essence without revealing it all at once. This can take many forms, but my least favorite are the dreaded and usually mandatory artist bios and statements. I’ve compiled a few of my favorite “outtakes” from the process spanning…
I’m Lonely
Breathe in. Breathe out. Blink your eyes. Was that too much blinking? Do I look like a psychopath right now? Because I feel like one. I feel like I’m lying to the world about who I really am, but I don’t actually know what that entails myself. Logically, I know I’m not lying or hiding…
Top 10 Lives I Lived
I was talking to my mom the other day about how I’m only a little over a quarter century old, yet I feel I have lived so many different lifetimes in just this one body. I made a list of the top 10 lives I’ve lived, and if this consciousness didn’t already feel old, it…
A Stream of Consciousness
Why is it that every time I go to the pharmacy, someone needs compression socks? This has happened three times since switching to my new pharmacy last year. And they’re always out of compression socks, meaning they sell a lot of them if they’re consistently out of stock. What does this mean? I don’t think…
Trying To Forgive Myself Even Though I Didn’t Do Anything
Steeped in loneliness, so solitary I can feel my heartbeat behind my eyes. I can hear my bones creak when I listen close enough. I can imagine my own intestines, twisting and digesting with a mind of their own. The visceral churning is constant, I’m hungry for something that has rarely been satiated in the…
Morning Routine
This morning I sit and watch as G-d rips my heart from my chest and devours it in front of me like it were a mere pomegranate. I do not know why it does this. I am left with an emptiness, a longing for something that, without my heart, I am unable to put into…
Being Human is Good
I spend a lot of my life alone. I wake up and I’m alone. I go to sleep at night, I’m alone. In a room full of black sheep, I am still an outcast. I have been here to hold my own hand for my whole life, and sometimes I like it that way. When…
hey do u guys want to read a poem i wrote
haha cool here it is I don’t trust myself when I’m alone My lips, cracked and raw retching and gagging Bleeding from someplace And my brain is lagging 22 years could not prepare me enough For sharing a bong with god on the sidewalk I should’ve asked him, “whys this shit so rough?” I’d like…
Rainy Day Musings
On Stinky Art People I feel that my purpose, or one of my purposes, is to make art. I am an artist, that’s what I do. The history and preservation of art is none of my business. I do not like art history, art historians, or art critics. Imagine being so full of yourself that…
Phrenectomy 