Phrenectomy

In a patriarchal society such as the one we live in today, people (not just men) are often brainwashed into thinking, even subconsciously, that a woman’s value and existence are merely contingent upon that of a man’s. Whether this is a conscious train of thought or a more deeply ingrained way of operating, it is still indicative of a very large issue, and the root cause of it all can be linked to social constructs. Social constructs are placed upon people in order to control their behavior, to put it plainly. Beauvoir explained it best when she said that one isn’t merely born a woman, but becomes one. Through a series of these inevitable social constructs, one born in a feminine body will, at some point, become a woman. Whether they remain there is irrelevant. Now, I do not identify as a woman in a traditional sense, but I do have the lived experience of being treated as a woman. I have experienced firsthand the violence our society upholds and excuses when it comes to men’s behavior. Social constructs have always seemed more like social constraints to me; however, to many men, these same social constructs keep them comfortable and untouchable. These constructs allow men to take up as much space as they could ever want, but at the expense of non-men. This leads to what I like to call spatial unawareness. The proof that our society is one built on inequality and the degradation of the “other” is in the hands of the very people it benefits– frequently, cis white men don’t even think twice about the space they take up. Why would they? It’s never been questioned before. For a very literal example, the phenomenon of “man-spreading”. Having lived in NYC, I have lost many seats to men who take up more space than they need, and that translates to a deeper, more metaphorical sense as well. I feel that throughout my life, I have lost out on not just opportunities due to men feeling the need to be louder/smarter/”bigger” than me due to their fragile little ego feeling threatened, but, I have also been stuck in a perpetual cycle of trying to be equally as loud and take up just as much space, only to be ostracized and criticized. It’s extremely isolating, watching men act as you do and get rewarded, whereas you were condemned to wearing a dunce hat in the corner. For a broader example, growing up, I always wanted to be one of the boys. I would have the same interests as the boys in my class, yet I was exiled from their little clique due to the fact that I was born a girl. But the girls didn’t want to hang out with me either. I liked boys’ shows like Ben 10, and I played boys’ games like Pokémon. Maybe I didn’t look like a boy, and to me, that wasn’t an issue. But to them, they didn’t want to hang out with a girl because girls are “weak” and “too emotional” and “don’t like fart jokes”. Fast forward 20 years, and the lens has not shifted much. Now, when I speak up, namely about injustices, I am “too sensitive” (weak), “bitter” (too emotional), and my favorite, a “misandrist”(I can’t link this one to fart jokes, sorry.) I have learned that the best thing I can do in this case is to continue to stand up for what I believe in, loudly and proudly. If it helps even one non-man feel more comfortable using their voice, I’ll take it, because even today, I still find myself “taking it down a notch” at my own expense for the comfort of cis men (usually ones much more “sensitive” than I am). I’m not above internalized misogyny, either. I, having a lived experience as a woman, have naturally been pitted against other non-men. I have been told to be threatened by another woman’s success, their physical beauty, or their level of lady-like behavior, and I have fallen for it all at some point. These days, I believe in the liberation of women to the fullest extent. No longer do I feel threatened by someone “prettier” than me, nor do I take a woman who is smarter than me as a challenge. When growing up as a “woman,” unlearning this behavior is the real challenge. Internalized misogyny runs deeply in all of us. I have watched women become traitors to their own kind simply for the validation or recognition of a man. I have watched women live their lives as if the only thing they’re made for is being in a relationship or having children. I have watched women be told how to perform in every facet of their lives, but never have I seen a man be held to equally constraining roles. If a man doesn’t want a family, he’s not “sabotaging the nuclear family structure”; he’s “living his best life”. Men who are aggressive, loud, and outspoken are often praised for being “assertive”, “direct”, and “ambitious”. I’m not even allowed to be angry. I’m not allowed to be enraged about these injustices. Because I am not assertive, direct, nor am I ambitious. I am overreacting, I am a bitch, I am a man-hating whore. Not just this, but because I am non-binary, I have been assumed to be some sort of, I believe the term is, “tender-queer”. Am I tender to you? Do I seem like a soft little pacifist? Do I? I am the butt of every joke. I am Sock, the roommate notorious for not doing their dishes and writing call-out posts for being misgendered. That’s all I’m reduced to. At this point, I’d rather be a cis woman, because at least there are representations of strong women in the media, albeit most depictions of a strong woman in the media are deeply flawed, but there’s still representation. The archetype is there to be used as a foundation. All non-binary people have is the infantilization and the simultaneous expectations of “accountability”, which is presumed by the straights to be nonexistent. Try telling a straight person you use they/them pronouns when they misgender you, and they’ll get defensive for a moment. Telling a non-binary person you use a certain set of pronouns is easy. They just thank you for letting them know. No one is safe from social constructs. The more we portray non-binary people as “Sock”, the more internalized this hatred will become in not just cis people, but all trans people as well. It’s already happening to me, as seen above. I was going to delete the part written about wishing I were a cis woman, but I figured it was important for everyone to see firsthand the issue. I shouldn’t yearn for a different “me” because that is not me at all. It is men who have made us this way. Even if I had the comfort of the cis label, I still stand at square 1 all over again. Regardless of my actual gender, my body screams “girl”, and so I am treated accordingly. This is all just to say that I really hate men as a concept, and the patriarchy should be toppled. Hold every single perpetrator in the files accountable. Let society collapse. I have full confidence that without the cancerous entities upholding current societal standards, we will do just fine.